Four Weeks

It’s been nearly four weeks. Still, I cannot comprehend it. A person who was so full of life lost hope and believed that he had no future in this world.  Jeremiah 29:11 was the Scripture that reassured me when I was a 20 year old single mother. “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope.” 

For some years, I believed the future and hope described in this promise meant a fairy tale ending in this life. Eventually I came to view the verse in light of eternity. Thus I was able to reclaim the promise as we laid Gabe to rest. 

  [thanks to my friend Gary Gnidovic for directing me to this video]

Marathon Update

In the week after Gabe’s death, we were asked on several occasions if we really preferred a donation to the Children’s Tumor Foundation (CTF) to flowers. We said yes. I’d like to publicly thank the following parties for responding with generous donations:

Mr. and Mrs. Scott Friedman

The Long Branch High School Band Parents Association

Ms. Dorothy Hendricks

Ms. Janice Del Rossi

Mr. John Charles Allen

Mr. and Mrs. Ken VanWingerden

The Art VanWingerden family

Mr. Nathan Smith, Ms. Connie Smith, Joshua Smith and Danny Smith

Mr. and Mrs. Tony Butcher

Ms. Ruth Ann Allen

Alica and Don Bean

(If there are others, I’ll add their names as I am notified.)

5/2/08 Additions:

Ms. Anne Kohut

Mr. Jim Pickel

5/16/08:

Mr. and Mrs. William Job

Stephen, Gail, Tamara and Daniel Corti

5/27/08:

Margaret and John Lavaggi

6/6/08:

Linda and Frank Allen

David Fry

Bob and Karin Gaspartich

9/20/08

Berniece and Seongbin Pak

10/21/08

Mr. John V. Andres

Mr. D. Davis

Mr. and Mrs. Dennis Stitz

 

 

 

The Children’s Tumor Foundation was a godsend to me when Gabriel was diagnosed with neurofibromatosis (NF) at 6 months old. It provided information and hope that research was being conducted into this little-understood, but common disease. I had not kept up with the foundation’s work in the past 10 years because NF seemed not to be a big part of Gabe’s life. 

My interest in the work of CTF was rekindled this year by an encounter with an NF patient, by a minimal increase in Gabe’s symptoms and by a scientific discussion of an NF researcher’s stem cell findings. Gabe’s brother Mike and I decided to enter the Long Beach Marathon to raise money for CTF. (Mike will be a cyclist and I will walk/jog.)

Amongst the many questions we’ve asked ourselves in the past three weeks is what role NF played in Gabe’s depression. Yesterday, I did an internet search to see if any correlation exists between NF and mental illness. This possibility had never been mentioned by any physician or other resource I encountered.  Here is a summary of what I found:

“Many childhood psychiatric and behavioural disorders have

been associated with NF1. These include social problems, anxiety

and depression, social withdrawal, aggressiveness, obsessive

compulsiveness, and somatic complaints (Varnhagen et al.

1988, Spaepen et al. 1992, Johnson et al. 1999). Children with

NF1 are thought to be at special risk for attention-deficit–hyperactivity

disorder (ADHD; North 1997), with rates of at least 33%

being suggested (Kayl et al. 2000). Hyperactivity, reduced ability

to concentrate, and also sleep disturbances were the most

common problems reported by parents of children with

NF1 (Wadsby et al. 1989). Difficulties might be persistent, as

Samuelsson and Riccardi (1989) reported that 33% of adults

with NF1 experienced mental illness and that sleep disturbance

(‘reduced sleep’) featured prominently.”

Developmental Medicine & Child Neurology 2005, 47: 237–242 237

We believe many factors contributed to Gabe’s depression, and will never know for sure if NF was one of them. Nonetheless, Mike and I are entering the Long Beach Marathon with renewed motivation. Mike has already recruited some friends to ride with him and I’ve solicited my first sponsor. So, now you know why these donations to CTF mean so much to us and why Mike and I are pressing ahead with the marathon.

Sponsorship information will follow at a later date. If you don’t want to wait, you can make a donation in Gabe’s honor today.

Gabriel’s Memorial Service: Dr. Aaron Kheriaty

I am posting this video, despite the fact that it somehow got rotated. (We’ll try to correct the problem.) Turn your computer sideways or close your eyes and listen.

Update 7/9/08: A friend kindly rotated this video for me, but YouTube uploaded the uncorrected version sideways anyway. If you know a solution, please email me at exploring.intersections@yahoo.com.

God bless you, Aaron.

Thank You

Dear Family and Friends,

Words cannot express our gratitude for the love that has buoyed us up over the past week. The tributes to Gabe here and elsewhere have helped soften a very harsh reality. How we go on, we’ve no idea, other than one moment at a time by the grace of God.

People have asked us repeatedly why Gabe took his own life. There is no satisfactory answer to the question. That he was clinically depressed was obvious from the letters he left behind, if less so from his daily interaction with those around him. Gabriel had many medical problems and life stressors that may have predisposed him to a condition that he hid well from most (and clearly didn’t understand himself).

A week before Gabe’s death, he performed with great success at The Comedy Store in LA. Before he walked out the door last Friday evening, he had an ordinary conversation with his dad about a sales appointment he had scheduled for the following day. I saw something in his countenance that concerned me and asked him what was wrong. He brushed the question aside. I told him I loved him … and then he was gone.

When we return to California, I will be seeking permission to post the message given by a speaker whose voice was heard at both services for Gabe. He understands these things better than most and was at our house within an hour of the public officials who filled our home with the awful news. His words continue to minister to us all.

Some of you are surely wondering how Gabe’s brother is doing. Mike is doing remarkably well. He is talking and engaging with others, and has been a comfort to his family. He will receive professional care when we get home.

Going home to our little apartment will be the test for all of us, as we try to pick up the pieces of our lives yet again.  We trust your prayers will be with us in those lonely days.

I would like to leave you with the words of Psalm 103:1-14, which I have meditated upon continually this week.

 Bless the LORD, O my soul,
   and all that is within me,
   bless his holy name.

Bless the LORD, O my soul,
   and forget none of his benefits;

who forgives all your iniquities,
   who heals all your diseases;

who redeems your life from the pit,
   who crowns you with lovingkindness and compassion;
who satisfies your years with good things
   so that your youth is renewed like the eagle.

The LORD performs righteous deeds
   and judgments for all who are oppressed.
He made known his ways to Moses,
   his acts to the people of Israel.
The LORD is compassionate and gracious,
   slow to anger and abounding in lovingkindness.

 He will not always strive with us,
   nor will he keep his anger forever.
He has not dealt with us according to our sins,
   nor rewarded us according to our iniquities.
For as high as the heavens are above the earth,
   so great is his lovingkindness toward those who fear him.

As far as the east is from the west,
   so far has he removed our transgressions from us.
Just as a father has compassion on his children,
   so the LORD has compassion on those who fear him.
For he knows our frame;
   he is mindful that we are but dust.

AMEN.

Gabriel Gifford Scheller

DSC02119 (2)

Gabriel Gifford Scheller, 23, of Irvine, CA, died on March 28. He spent his formative years in Long Branch, NJ, and graduated from Wheaton College in May 2007.

Gabriel is survived by his parents, Jeffrey and Christine Scheller; his brother Michael William Scheller; grandparents Richard and Carol Gifford, Regis Allen and William and Viola Scheller—along with many beloved aunts, uncles, cousins, and friends.

Gabe was a remarkable young man who was loved every day of his life; he will be missed every day of ours. The only thing that surpasses our grief is the joy that it was to have been gifted with him and the sure knowledge that he is safe in the arms of our Lord.

In lieu of flowers, we request a memorial donation to the Children’s Tumor Foundation .

California services are private.

New Jersey services will be at Trinity Bible Church, Allenwood, NJ, on Thursday April 3, with viewing from 3:30-7:30 and a service to follow immediately after; and Friday morning at 11 am.

UPDATE 4/03: For those wishing to attend the burial service on Friday, the funeral procession is scheduled to leave Trinity Bible Church at 11am.

A Tribute to Gabriel Gifford Scheller, honoring his life and achievements.

Remembering Gabe on Facebook

An Archive of Gabe’s Poetry and Art

In the Valley of the Shadow of Suicide, Christianity Today, April 2009